Five words, five simple words. “How can I help you?” When you are in job search mode those very well may be the five best words you could ever here (except for maybe, “Congratulations, you got the job!”)

But how often do you hear them when you are networking? From my experience, not that often. I’ve found that there are some very special people out there, others that are mildly helpful if it is not much of an inconvenience and, of course, those who ignore. And that’s OK, I guess. After all, we are all so busy. But…

If you want to hear more how-can-I-help-you’s here’s a tip: Use it yourself. Try it. Even though you are in job search mode, set that burning issue aside and ask someone, anyone -

the recent college grad
the unemployed electrician
the struggling entrepeneur
the dry cleaner
the elderly man

- how can I help? I think you will see amazing results.

Networking, or connecting, is about helping another person and by chance, being helped by others. Try it next time. It feels great and it works.

The biggest sin in networking is boring your audience. How many times have you been asked a simple question, like, “What do you do?” where you launch into a complete history of your employment life?

Folks stop listening after about three sentences. More than that and whatever you say is lost. Prepare for any encounter with just exactly the answer to the question you are asked and if you do a good job, your listener will ask you questions; which means you are interacting.

Find that hard to do? Try repeating the question in your answer. “I work xxx” or “What do I do?…”

Second Sin: Talking AT people is a horrible way to create a bond. Come prepared with questions and keep eye contact if you want people to remember you. When you hear yourself TELLING people information instead of SHARING experiences, you are talking AT them. Don’t do that.

Not sure how to cut down your spiel? Give your answers to a twelve year old. If they can tell you what you meant or ask a relevant question, you are on track. If not, try again.

Learn to answer your questions with relevant stories about your experience and you will be remembered.

Get Involved With a Charity

A great way to give back to the community and meet some great people is to get involved with a charity. Pick a charity that interests you and a cause that you’re passionate about so you will get the most out of your experience.

Once you decide which group you would like to help out, contact a board member. You can usually find this information on a group’s Web site. Otherwise, contact the charity and ask who you need to speak to about getting involved.

You will find that it’s rather easy to get involved with a charity. These groups are always happy to have volunteers and can use the help.

Before you take on a position, it’s typically a good idea to attend some board meetings and events to get a good feeling for the organization and the people involved. When you’re ready to help out, you should probably just start with small projects to feel out the organization. Over time, you can get involved in larger projects or more responsibility.

When the time comes for electing board members, you will be in a good position because you have shown an interest in the organization by helping other board members. You will have already built some relationships with the other volunteers so they will most likely support your desire for a board position.

Regardless of whether you have a board position, you will have had a chance to build some meaningful relationships with others because you are all focusing on the same cause. The main focus on your involvement should be to truly help the charity.

Attend Charity Events

Even if you decide not to get involved on the board of a charity, it’s still important for you to attend a non-profit event every once in awhile. When choosing which type of event to attend, pick a charity whose cause resonates with you or one that you would like to know more about.

Many charity events are formal and may include black-tie events, silent auctions or entertainment. Treat these occasions as networking events, dress appropriately and bring business cards.

Formal charity events usually draw all types of business professionals. You will have the chance to meet a variety of people. Some of these professionals will be high-level executives. Treat every conversation as it’s important because you won’t always know who you’ll be talking with at first.

Of course, less-formal charity events do exist as well. These may include young professional events, socials or community work. Events of this type are worthwhile, fun and rewarding. These events are a great way to casually meet other professionals.

Pay attention to how you interact with others because you want to make a good impression. Over time, these acts of good behavior will be second nature to you.

Make People Feel Good

When talking with people, make sure to let them know that you are genuinely interested in the conversation. Give them cues that you’re a good listener by having consistent eye contact, smiling and asking questions.

By showing a sign of interest, people will feel that you care and have a good impression of you. In return, most people should also show interest in what you have to say.

Make sure to congratulate or compliment others when something positive happens to them. By going out of your way to do this, people will appreciate your thoughtfulness and will remember you.

Exercise Good Manners

Though having good manners usually goes without saying, some people need to be reminded in certain situations. Pay attention to how you interact with others in various circumstances.

When dining or having drinks with others, offer to pay the entire bill – especially if you invited the person. People will often insist on splitting, which is just fine. So long as you make the gesture, you are showing good manners.

If someone asks if you would like coffee or water during meetings or even interviews, always accept. Even if you don’t want anything to drink, it’s still polite to take the drink because you’re showing respect to the person, who is just being a good host.

Remember Birthdays

When you meet people, try to find out important dates in their lives such as birthdays. Make sure to immediately record this information in your calendar so you won’t forget these dates.

When it’s someone’s birthday, send this person an e-mail, call him or her on the phone or mail a card. Whatever you decide to do, it will show that you were thinking about this person.

Most people won’t expect you to remember their birthday. By acknowledging others on their birthdays, you will surprise them by showing that you genuinely care about them and take an interest in their lives.

Think About Others

Other than remembering birthdays, you should always be thinking about ways to connect with others. Contact people when you come across something that may interest them.

Let your contacts know about important items such as events, articles or resources. Whatever you share, it shows that you were thinking about them.

When you do share information, make sure it provides value and interest to the people you contact. Keep good notes about others so you can pass on appropriate information to the right people in your network.

Make it a point to continuously offer to help others when you meet them for the first time. You should also reach out to existing people within your own network and offer your assistance.

Help Others Connect

Over time, your network will continue to grow. This will provide you with a variety of people you can call upon. As you get to know people within your network, you will develop a clear understanding of their background and the types of people who would be beneficial for them to meet.

When you meet people for the first time, pay attention to their backgrounds and needs. If you offer to make a connection, then you are showing good will and are on your way to building your relationships. Another great aspect about connecting people is that you are continuously putting yourself in front of your network.

People will also appreciate the time and care that went into making the connection for them. When it’s time for you to ask for a connection, others will then be glad to help you out. Once your network grows, people should even start to make connections without asking for an introduction from you.

Help - When You Can - With Job Searches

Past-built relationships can become an important asset when you are looking for a new job. The time you put into networking will ensure that you will have a good network of people to call upon. Likewise, you might be called upon when other people do job searches.

When people contact you during their job search, find out who they want to meet and then offer to connect them to various people within your network. Don’t spend too much time trying to help people find a new job until you get to know them.

The last thing you want to do is make a bad connection within your network. It will help protect your reputation and trustworthiness within the network if you make sure you feel comfortable with a person before making a referral. By letting others know about job opportunities, this demonstrates your thoughtfulness.

Help By Being A Teammate

Another great technique for building relationships is to help others with their projects.
As you get to know people, you will learn about their professional and personal lives. During your discussions, you should get a good sense of how you can help people with their projects. Don’t offer to help until you feel that your expertise and resources can truly be helpful.

Effective ways to help others may include performing market research, analyzing competitors, researching Web sites and providing event information. You need to take each project very seriously because your perceived character and continued relationship are riding on your good will. Helping people will take your relationships to another level.

At the same time, volunteer work will enhance your credibility, especially if you leverage your existing expertise. Be proactive and reach out to nonprofits, business organizations and community organizers and offer your assistance.

Volunteer at a nonprofit

One of the most rewarding experiences can be to help a nonprofit that supports a cause near and dear to your heart. We usually gravitate toward a particular nonprofit because a family member or friend was affected by a life-changing situation such as an illness.
Before you get involved, it is a good idea to attend some of the fundraisers and other events, so you can get a sense of the people involved and the work that is done.

Once you are comfortable with the group, ask to help out on a committee or wherever you are needed. Over time, you will be able to take more of a leadership role by heading up a committee or sitting on the board.

One of the greatest aspects of volunteering with a nonprofit is that you will have the opportunity to build relationships with a variety of individuals. As many of these individuals are business executives, your network will grow naturally.

Volunteer at a business organization

One of the best techniques to building relationships is to volunteer your time with a business organization such as an industry group, a young professionals group or an executives group. Pick an organization that makes sense for your business and personal objectives and get involved.

Before you get involved, you need to get a sense of what the organization does by attending events. Once you are comfortable with the group, reach out and ask the board if you can help. As most boards need some type of help, you should get a positive response.

You will get more out of an organization by helping the board than by attending events. Working together with like-minded individuals will provide you with an excellent opportunity to connect with others.

Volunteer at a community event

Another successful technique to building relationships is to take part in a community event. This is a function that is the result of collaboration by several organizations or individuals. Any time a large effort like this is put together, this is your opportunity to volunteer your time.

Examples of community events include citywide business plan competitions, industry trade shows, community art fairs and business networking events. If you have an idea for an event, you should take it upon yourself to reach out to various people to help you organize something.

All of the people involved can always use a few extra hands to plan, organize and manage the event. Because several people are involved from various organizations, you will have an opportunity to meet a variety of individuals with different backgrounds.

While technology is great for maintaining relationships, it doesn’t replace face-to-face communication. In order to fully connect with people, you need to interact with them in person as well.

Connect During Meal Time

One easy way to connect with people is to get together during meal time. Since you need to eat, why not make it a productive meal?

Invite people to join you for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or coffee. Be flexible around other people’s schedules so you don’t inconvenience them. Meeting with people outside a business setting allows individuals to feel more comfortable.

Be proactive and invite people to join you for meals at least once a week. It is a good habit to schedule two to three of these meetings a week so you can get to know people better on a regular basis.

In fact, you should try to get together with at least one new person each week. This way, you are continuously connecting with new and existing contacts.

Connect at Events

Another easy way to connect with people is to interact with them at events. Relationship building at events is great for meeting new people or reconnecting with existing contacts.

Many events exist so pick the ones that make sense for you and go meet people. Don’t discount the power of face-to-face interaction.

In person, you can learn about a person through first impressions and non-verbal communication. After you meet someone, you usually get a good sense of whether it’s worth your time to pursue a relationship.

While at events, don’t spend your entire time with people whom you already know. After all, part of your reason for attending an event is to meet new people.

Connect at Organizational Meetings

Another great way to connect in person is to volunteer with groups such as charities, industry associations, and community organizations. Taking an active role with an organization is an excellent way to get to know other people.

In fact, you should take on a leadership role so you will stand out as a leader and get to know more people within the organization. If you are not involved with an association, then consider making the time and effort because the relationships you will build will be priceless.

You will not regret getting more involved because you will develop better relationships than by just meeting people at events. Of course, it is still important to attend events to support the organization and to meet new folks.

Connect During Sports and Entertainment

Sports and entertainment are definitely activities you need to be present for with other individuals. It can be a fun and relaxing activity to get to know others.

Invite people to sporting events or concerts so you can get to know them better. People will appreciate the gesture and return the favor.

In relationship building, you need to be creative and find ways to connect in person. Regular interaction is healthy and makes you relevant in people’s minds.

Staying on top of someone’s mind is important so you are remembered. Take the opportunity to connect via sports and entertainment.

While you can maintain some of your relationships through online tools such as fantasy leagues or community sites, it is still important to have face time.

It is impossible to build relationships with everyone you meet. Focus more of your effort on who you connect with the most, which usually includes individuals with common interests, skills or experiences.
Pay attention to business and personal commonalities so you can develop more meaningful relationships. Connecting on a deeper level is a must for any relationship to survive over time.

Find Business Commonalities

Many of the people in your network will be people who you meet professionally. As you get to know these people, you will learn about their business skills and experiences.

Take note of what you discover because this information will help you to connect better with certain people. Some of what you learn will show what you have in common, which is very important for relationship building.

These commonalities will enhance your relationship and connect you on a deeper level. You will have an instant conversation starter every time and a reason to follow up.

At the same time, connecting various people is another important part of relationship building. As long as you take notes and pay attention to detail, you will be able to connect people of similar background and needs.

Making introductions is an aspect of networking that people will really appreciate. After all, you should be in the mindset of helping others.

While finding commonalities are important for existing relationships, it is also important for the first time you meet people. During the course of a conversation, you should pay attention to what is said and if this person has any elements in common with you.

Elements in common could include working in the same industry, working in the same role, knowing some of the same professionals and working at the same company.

Leverage what you find in common to get to know people better. It is impossible to build relationships with everyone. If you connect with a professional in any way, this may be a relationship you want to build.

Find Personal Commonalities

While it important to find business commonalities, you need to also connect with people on a more personal level. Finding personal commonalities is a key to building long-lasting and sustainable relationships.

Getting to know people on a personal level is an important element in any good relationship. As you are getting to know people, pay attention to personal details such as hobbies, family and sports.

It important to know these details. In relationship building, you need to reach out to people on a regular basis. Of course, you need to have a reason to contact people.

Because you will already know some details, the more equipped you will be to find reasons to connect. Take notes and keep them with the person’s contact information in your database.

Another common element to pay attention to is what sports people like to watch or play. For example, if you are a Chicago Cubs fans and you know that someone in your network is a fan as well, it is a nice gesture to send articles about the team.

If you are a golfer, invite other people to golf with you. Ask people to watch a football game with you if they like the same team.

Personal bonding is key to deepening a relationship. Whatever common element you decide to leverage, make sure you are genuine and really want to further the relationship.

Otherwise, the other person will know that you are not serious. Rather than sending articles or invites to your entire network, take the time to select only the individuals who have the same interest.
Of course, there will be times when you can send out e-mail blasts to your network. Just don’t forget that you need to pay attention to individuals as well.

Final Thought

If you want to connect on a deeper level with people, you need to find business and personal commonalities. In order for a relationship to survive over time, you need to find ways to keep in touch.
Leverage the power of common interests as a foundation for the relationships you want to sustain. People tend to gravitate toward people who they can relate to the most.

Pay attention to business and personal commonalities so you can develop more meaningful relationships. Connecting on a deeper level is a must for any relationship to survive over time.

Find Business Commonalities

Many of the people in your network will be people who you meet professionally. As you get to know these people, you will learn about their business skills and experiences.

Take note of what you discover because this information will help you to connect better and on a deeper level. You will have an instant conversation starter every time and a reason to follow up.

At the same time, connecting various people is another important part of relationship building. As long as you take notes and pay attention to detail, you will be able to connect people of similar background and needs.

While finding commonalities are important for existing relationships, it is also important for the first time you meet people. Elements in common could include working in the same industry, working in the same role, knowing some of the same professionals and working at the same company.

Leverage what you find in common to get to know people better. It is impossible to build relationships with everyone. If you connect with a professional in any way, then this may be a relationship you want to build.

Find Personal Commonalities

While it important to find business commonalities, you need to also connect with people on a more personal level. Finding personal commonalities is a key to building long-lasting and sustainable relationships. Pay attention to personal details such as hobbies, family and sports.

Because you will already know some details, the more equipped you will be to find reasons to connect. Take notes and keep them with the person’s contact information in your database.

Another common element to pay attention to is what sports people like to watch or play. For example, if you are a Chicago Cubs fans and you know that someone in your network is a fan as well, then it is a nice gesture to send articles about the team.

Personal bonding is a key to deepening a relationship. Whatever common element you decide to leverage, make sure you are genuine and really want to further the relationship. Otherwise, the other person will know that you are not serious. People tend to gravitate toward people who they can relate to the most.

While we are all born with the ability to connect, some of us utilize this skill more than others. If you haven’t utilized your inherent relationship-building skills yet, then it’s time to unleash them onto the world.

Don’t Be a Hermit

As long as you aren’t a hermit, you interact with people every day such as with the bus driver, a person at the cleaners, a clerk at the local convenience store, clients and co-workers. However, you may not have a solid business network to draw upon.

This is OK because it’s never too late to start. Chances are you probably have more people in your network than you think you do. Most of us naturally have built up a network that has been largely untapped.

Take a trip down memory lane and think about the relationships you have built with friends and co-workers. What did you do to develop these relationships?

Many of these relationships have been built because of commonalities such as living in the same neighborhood, going to the same school, working at the same company or playing the same sports. For many people, building relationships starts by identifying these common elements and building upon them.

Having something in common with another person provides a great foundation. Remember that relationships are built with people who make us feel comfortable. Spend time surrounding yourself with these types of people. This is a great way to begin to grow your network.

Focus on Commonalities

In addition to surrounding yourself with people who make you feel comfortable, you should also look for individuals sharing commonalities. Attend networking events that are focused in your industry, hang out with friends of friends and interact with fellow alumni.

Whatever you decide to do, keep an open mind and focus on converting some of these encounters into new relationships. Nurture these new relationships so they can become part of your network.

At the same time, you need to have the confidence that you can meet people and build some solid relationships. You have done it before and continue to do it with new friends and co-workers. The more you interact with people, the more confident you will become.

Consider every time you talk with someone as practice for the next conversation. If you aren’t comfortable attending a large event, then practice at a small gathering in your community, at your company or at a family gathering.

Seek to be friends first with any new contacts and then talk business later. You want to build comfort and trust so when business does come up it is a smooth transition.

The reason you want to build relationships this way is because people tend to do business with others who they consider friends. It is important to always connect with people on a deeper level that goes well beyond just business.

Practice Talking to Strangers

If you still aren’t comfortable carrying on a conversation with new people in a business environment, then practice talking to people when you go to the store, work out at the gym, take a taxi or stay at a hotel. This activity will get you more comfortable with talking to complete strangers in all situations.

As you are already naturally having these conversations every day, you need to now be aware that they are happening and strengthening your relationship-building skills. Take this as an opportunity to practice conversational skills.

Don’t ever discount any of these discussions because they could develop into good relationships. Take these encounters seriously because relationships are built in every situation. Techniques to practice include reciting your elevator pitch, asking insightful questions and listening.

It’s better to hone your conversational skills in a non-business environment. The old saying that “practice makes perfect” is so true for relationship building. Talking is a born ability. Leverage it to help you become more successful in business and life.

You have a voice and you need to exercise it. Professional athletes and musicians need to constantly practice before they can perform at the big game or a performance.

Keep in mind that people attend networking events to meet other people. Don’t ever feel embarrassed to go up to someone and start a conversation. Chances are this person feels uncomfortable and he or she will be thankful that you started the dialogue.

Final Thought

Remember that we are all born with the skill to build relationships. Don’t let this natural ability go to waste.